I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
