I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
