If that was your dad, he is hot
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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