Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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