plz talk dirty to me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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