who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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