i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i've created a new STD.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
