This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
