i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he puts the penis in happiness.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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