you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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