a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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