Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
