ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i drank out of a bidet.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
