I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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