and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
