Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
