I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize