yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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