I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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