im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
there's paper in my vomit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
