i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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