Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
