singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
