I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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