and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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