One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
