Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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