She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
