I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
