my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i believe in u and ur pee
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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