I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
