Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
