My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
