you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
