yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
