told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
