The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
4 words: hood of his car
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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