Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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