At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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