They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
