Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize