at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
