Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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