The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
