So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
