he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize