omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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