brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
