marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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