I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
