We named our party play list daddy issues
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
