I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
