So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
