This girl is more easily done than said...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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