Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
