Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
porn star boner night. come get it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
