apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
